I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize