I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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