Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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