Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
