the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
