Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
