This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
