seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
