Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
