I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So here I am, sexting at work.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
