Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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