Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
