I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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