Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize