So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize