if i can run in heels then i can drive
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
