just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
