sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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