I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
