google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my vag is so smooth its legendary
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
