It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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