come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
