When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
