found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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