we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
