yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
