I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
