Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
