): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
