We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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