So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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