our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
