Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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