New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
