It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I believe in your delicious
A+ Viking dick
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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