Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
