I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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