just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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