btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
