just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
