I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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