Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
