reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
