But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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