what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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