Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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