I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
