your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
