I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
