i think my tv is drunk
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
