You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
