I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
