I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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