Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
