why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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