and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Bring me that man meat
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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