I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
