everyone is single if you try hard enough
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
