you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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