my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
