You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
