apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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