Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
