and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize