I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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