Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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