Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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