batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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