There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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