I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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