Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
