you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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