Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
